Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
