omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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