god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize