Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
