Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
