She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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