I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
