When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
