Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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