I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
