i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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