Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
