bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
