dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
