Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize