Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
