i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
