i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
