It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
