If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize