Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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