The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
