i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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