Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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