I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize