i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
