you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
