It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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