my mouth tastes like poor choices
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
