Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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