Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize