the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
