Four minutes until I can fart!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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