i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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