They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
