This is not my ceiling
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
