I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
