I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
