marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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