i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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