THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
