Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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