conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize