Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
