Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there's paper in my vomit.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
