you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
