Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I looked at my own cervix.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
