Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize