sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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