At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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