it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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