Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
