I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
