it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just blew my weed a kiss
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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