Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just high enough for therapy.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
