i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
