we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
