so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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