worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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