but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
