I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
