Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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