Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
