Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
