Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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