I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
